I found the book a bit slow and repetitive. Most of it common sense, but there were some frameworks that might be worth preserving here.

1. Social Fitness Model

  • List your key relationships (family, friends, colleagues).
  • Map each relationship on a chart:
  • X-axis: How often do you interact?
  • Y-axis: Does this person energize or deplete you?
  • Identify gaps: Who do you want to see more? Who drains you?
  • Schedule regular “relationship workouts” (calls, coffees, walks).
  • Check in with yourself: Are you investing enough in your most important connections?

2. W.I.S.E.R. Model

  • Watch: Pause and notice your feelings and the situation before reacting.
  • Interpret: Ask yourself, “What’s really going on? What’s at stake for me and others?”
  • Select: Consider your options for responding—don’t just react automatically.
  • Engage: Choose and act on the best response, thoughtfully and intentionally.
  • Reflect: Afterward, review what happened and what you learned for next time.

3. Attention as Asset

  • Track where your attention goes each day (work, family, friends, screens).
  • Prioritize: Decide who/what deserves your best attention.
  • Create rituals: Set device-free times (meals, walks, bedtime).
  • Practice “micro-attention”: Give full focus, even for a few minutes, to people you care about.
  • Regularly review: Are you spending your attention in line with your values?

4. Relationship Keystones

  • Assess which types of support you give and receive:
  • Safety & security
  • Learning & growth
  • Emotional closeness/confiding
  • Identity affirmation/shared experience
  • Romantic intimacy
  • Practical help
  • Fun & relaxation
  • Identify missing keystones in your relationships.
  • Diversify: Don’t expect one person to meet all needs—nurture a variety of connections.

5. Generosity & Curiosity Spirals

  • Look for opportunities to help, support, or show kindness—even in small ways.
  • Express gratitude: Thank people for what they do, big or small.
  • Ask deeper questions: Move beyond “How are you?” to “What’s something that made you smile today?”
  • Be curious about others’ experiences, perspectives, and feelings.
  • Notice how generosity and curiosity create more connection and positivity.

6. Embrace Change & Corrective Experiences

  • Remind yourself: Your past does not dictate your future.
  • Stay open to new people, experiences, and ways of relating.
  • Notice when reality is better than your fears or expectations—let it update your beliefs.
  • Seek and accept help when needed; offer it to others.
  • Allow yourself to be changed by positive experiences, even if they’re small.

7. Friendships & Weak Ties

  • Value all connections: Close friends, acquaintances, even friendly strangers.
  • Engage in small talk: Smile, greet, or chat with people you see regularly (barista, neighbor, coworker).
  • Maintain old friendships: Reach out, even if it’s been a while.
  • Say yes to invitations or opportunities to connect, even if they seem minor.
  • Recognize that even brief, positive interactions can boost your mood and sense of belonging.

8. Work Relationships

  • Invest in work friendships: Eat lunch together, chat, or collaborate on projects.
  • Mentor or be mentored: Share knowledge, ask for advice, support others’ growth.
  • Acknowledge contributions: Thank coworkers, celebrate team wins.
  • Look for meaning in teamwork and helping others at work.
  • Balance: Bring positive energy from work home, and vice versa.